Do my parents know that I’m gay but don’t want to admit it?
When I was in 7th grade, I told the priest at my church and felt like the world had ended once I admit it to someone. I told my mom and she told me it was phase (typical) and I remember even telling her “I don’t really think I’m gay” and not to tell my dad, that I would do it on my own. We basically agreed that it was because of the content I was being exposed to online (older brothers would leave pornography on the computer etc). Anyways, so the same day I went to the grocery store with my dad and started the convo with “well, I definitely like women, but …” and my dad, usually the joking/funny type, gave me this shocked, terrible, look. I will never forget it. I quickly pretended that it was nothing and gave some odd excuse that it was just the thought of seeing a guy’s good body and thinking I want to look like him, not that I want HIM. My dad even asked “but you do like women, right?” And I said, “yeah, don’t worry.” I don’t know if my mom then told my dad, but it was never brought up again ever.
My mom now knows and she is ok with it. I told her I was bisexual and she told me to ‘experiment’ and said she will always accept and support me no matter what. And that it isn’t as big of a problem as she thought I was going through. (I told her I was bisexual) She, however, continued to state “well, many guys go on to marry women after they experiment. You never know if a woman could surprise you! Don’t discard the chance.” Which is understandable cause my parents are religious and conservative 100%. She claimed that I would have to lead a very discreet lifestyle and that it’s my business and no one has to know about my sexuality.
I told her not to tell my dad … and my dad in my opinion KNOWS something cause he used to look at my computer history… But let’s pretend he doesn’t. He is very conservative and makes fun of gays. (even voted for prop 
Every time we talk about dating/kids/marriage, he ALWAYS tells me “well, one day you will meet a GIRL” or “marry a WOMAN who truly loves you because…” and always puts emphasis on “girl” or “woman.” Is he trying to send me a message? Should I even come out to him or let him get the idea when I don’t date a GIRL or WOMAN (haha) for years?
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Well i all depends on when you want to do it. It sounds like your parents are pretty cool when it comes to stuff like that, but still get a little disturbed. You should definitely tell your dad if he loves you then he’ll get over it an support you. Either way supportive or not. He does have the right to know.
It sounds like they know, but are slow in accepting it. Right now, I would leave well enough alone and not push the issue until you are out of the house and are self-supporting. They know, they seem to be deluding to cope with the situation. Once you start to embrace who you are and bust their delusion, they may react very differently. While I’m not saying it would happen, this will avoid your parent’s trying to “punish” the gay out of you by putting you on lock-down, being kicked out or any number of other ways that your parents could make your life a living hell in an attempt to make you straight.
Once you have finished school and have moved out, then you should push the issue. At that point, they really have no more control over you. This is one of the few situations where it is better to “live a lie”, as by not doing so you are putting your own welfare at stake.
I think that you should give your dad time to just settle with the idea of you being Bi. He probably does suspect it, but him pushing women, marriage ect. is just a way for him to double check and see wether his suspicions are true or not……..went through that with my mum.
if your mum supports you, get her to be there when you tell your dad, and i would tell them coz if one of your pparents supports you, the other will probably come through too in time
xx
I don’t link it is like your parents don’t want to admit it. I think it is more like your parents realize that with teenagers they are treading on thin ice. Teenagers are known for rebelling. They don’t want to do something that will make you do something drastic like run away, and they have their fingers crossed that this will all blow over. So yes, they both know.
At least your father isn’t trying to set you up on dates or something like that.
So coming out to him…I don’t see the point. He already knows and his behavior and hopes you might change probably won’t change. Yes he is trying to send a message..he is trying to fit you into a straight man’s shoes.
I’m thinking of a tiny tactic for you to take. Why don’t you have a heart to heart talk about that friend of yours that was dating and got his girlfriend pregnant. Tell him you are concerned about how well condoms work and want his advice about dating girls at your age. Tell him girls put a lot of pressure on guys for sex in your school and that it seems wrong to you to just have casual sex and use an abortion as a means to deal with it.
Ask him how he dealt with women asking him for sex and what you should expect in college.
Believe me I think your father’s tune will change pretty quickly and he will want to make sure you are NOT dating. He will say there is plenty time for dating in your future.
Good luck to you.